What the Duck is goin on..

ok, bad pun but I had to at least give my .002 worth whether you like it or not. So.. Phil.. dude.. Nice beard, love your show, love the whole back to nature reality show with your family, your tell it like it is concept, and your words are your words, that’s just it,, they’re only words, how your employer (if you wanna call em that, geez you probably don’t need any money anyway, I mean ya got the Duck Commander going still, plus all the merch…) anyway.. look, whatever anyone else says, thinks, does at the end of the day,, ( Yeah I said it) it’s just your opinion and if the uber-left wing nut jobs (uber-right wing too) want to use your opinions as a national forum on what the LGBT community does or doesn’t do in the privacy of their own homes, or take comments you made out of context, then let em’, who the F cares?..

I support your right to your opinion, I’m glad you shared it with the GQ dudes, you were asked a question, you gave an honest response, should you have been terminated from the show?, Probably not, did AE make a fortune from the brand “Duck Dynasty” in the last 24-48 hours, yeah, yeah they did, so did you, so it’s all good, lets move on, have a Merry Christmas a Happy New Year and get back to what’s really important and that is do you guys make a duck call that is bacon flavored

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The ultimate gift in VO

Ok, so most of my ramblings have little to do with Voice Over, but this is the time of year where I’m inundated with the crappiest of craptacular client written,voiced and in some cases produced spots, yes, seriously dudes, I got an email with a spot the “client” did on their IPhone, now granted I’ll give them the *benefit* for using technology to record a commercial, but for the love of all that is Radio and the sanity of the massively talented production pros please just leave this to us, this is what you pay hard earned money to advertise.

Ok, now that I’ve vented, lets move on to the gist of this post.. the ultimate gift in VO. If you ever have the opportunity to use your God given talents to voice something for the blind, narrate an audiobook gratis for benefit of the Veteran who lost his sight in Iraq, Afghanistan or any where for that matter, please consider it. Record PSA’s for The Wounded Warrior Project,, volunteer to read their mail at the VA hospitals. Seriously people, your voice needs to be heard, and it’s not about you, its about what you give back to your communities that will matter the most, not just during the Christmas Season, but all year round.

Now, more of my rant on the craptastic ads that will come into your mail and here’s one that just came into my email.. are you ready?.. Opening line, and I’m not kidding….

HO HO HOLY CRAP ITS CHRISTMAS.. (please read in Santa Voice, and use sleighbell sfx, with reindeer snorts, hoof stomps throughout, also we don’t want “christmasy” music, use something upbeat and less christmasy and more pop sounding, also we don’t want Santa voice to sound fake)

Seriously?

Freakin Global Warming

I mean seriously dudes/dudettes, it’s 19F in Kansas City this morning, my studio is a balmy 33F, heat is “broken” in building and then I read in a publication that “Global Warming” is the cause for the severe temp drop in the country…. seriously, How stupid do you think we are?.. The world has been freezing, thawing, freezing.. etc for eons what makes you think that the farce of Global Warming is the cause for the deep freeze effecting the US/World? Al Gore, you got some ‘splainin to do lucy… Global Warming umm yeah.. no

What happened to the z generation?

We all know about Gen X, and Generation Y, but what about Generation Z?,, ohhhh you don’t know about generation z.. hmm lemme see,, were you born between the years 1960 and 1966?  Did you live in a tiny (well it was tiny at the time,, not so much now ) ok well you’re part of generation z, we’re the generation that had cell phones the size of a small carry on, video games consisted of Galactica, Pong, Space Invaders and Ms Pac-man, we hung out in pool halls, gas was less than a dollar, Friday nights we’re cruising the 4-way, wavin at everyone, football, basketball, college, no wait, that came later for me.. anyway, those days have long since passed, now we’re approaching that area of our life where some of us have grandkids, (imma late bloomer, I’ve got a 5yr old and a 1 year old,,yeah don’t start…)

Where was I.. oh yeah the good ol’ days,, yeah they were fun, then we had to grow up become responsible (some of us) have careers, start new ones, retire, start again, lose our life savings in the crush of 08′, regain them very slowly, build again, and life goes on.. we work, we play, we live, we breathe, we survive hurricanes, tornadoes, cancer, divorce and the deaths of friends and family.

Through all of this, We remain optimistic because that is who we are, we’re Generation Z and through the Grace of God , we will survive to see another day, another Christmas, another trip around the sun and we’ll do it with hard work and hard play, we’ll do it with ingenuity, integrity, honesty and with a little help from our friends (( Beatles word play)).

Why am I spouting off about this, and why now?  Maybe I’m a disenfranchised American who’s had just about enough of the “you owe me” generation.. yeah I know, I know,, stfu

Christmas… again

Once again, this glorious holiday has snuck up on me. How about you?, are your ready for the mega glitz of all the shopping nightmares,, ohhhh, that’s right you braved the idiocy of shopping on Thanksgiving night and B-Friday like the rest of us idiots didn’t you.. Ok, lemme be clear (famous phrase intended), I hate shopping for anything  that doesn’t involve either food, tools or sporting equipment,, ok maybe a new techie gadgety thingy or two, but that’s it,, but this year, I was asked by my soulmate to venture into the great unknown of a holiday shopping black hole and see what I could learn from watching seemingly normal people beat the shit out of each other to save $5 on an Elmo Doll, or whatever the kids want this year..

I was pleasantly surprised to find not only orderly, friendly people in my neighborhood Target’/ToysRU/BabiesRGreat store but I actually “enjoyed” the experience.. now before you yank my Bro Code Card, I was doing research, and research only,, Full disclosure I shop for Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve, just like my dad did and his dad before him.. it’s a genetic traditional trait I will pass along to my sons who will no undoubtedly pass it from generation to generation.. it’s what we do, we’re men..

I hope that this year, when you finally get all the things done, spent, ate whatever you do to justify what seems like an entire years worth of beef jerky money on things for your family and friends you hope that they’ll like and appreciate but probably won’t and it will end up in the basement in box labeled DONATE.. where am I going with this, Oh yeah..

Please won’t you find some time to think about the less fortunate, the homeless, the unemployed, the sick, the elderly, the mentally handicapped and challenged people of your community. Sure, buy the things for the loved ones in your family, but think of these people too,, I suggest that you buy a pair of winter gloves , maybe a scarf, and put it in a small gift bag along with a$10 bill, toss it in the front seat of your car  and the next time you’re sitting at the stop light and the man or woman standing there with that look that seriously will melt paint, you’ll be able to roll your window down and as that warm car air blows outside, you can hand it to them, Wish them a Merry Christmas, and God Bless..

That’s my Christmas Wish this year..how about you?

The artful coloration of prose

I sometimes sit back and wonder when people write books, especially ones that deal with things like psychological or emotional issues, religion and what not, why they insist on using language that only Mensa members understand or comprehend…. I mean, I write like I speak generally, I try not to confuse my self or my listeners with words they need a dictionary to understand.. so why do authors insist on writing in this “text book” style?.. Beats the crap outta me, perhaps its their egos, perhaps their peers will see it and think.. “wow he used the word perfunctorily in a very descriptive way”… what a load of crap.. people don’t speak at dinner parties like this do they?.. If I were on a an elevator with you and used the word “perfunctorily”, would you know what I was talking about?.. yeah, me neither.. by the way,, it means characterized by routine or superficiality.. yeah whatevs.. just don’t use it in radio ad copy ok?.. seriously don’t

The Power of a Positive Attitude

I had a conversation with my life coach (read psychoanalyst) yesterday regarding some decisions I needed to make in my professional life. She suggested that I release the negative connotations in my life and only see things in the positive.. ie; “I will find a better paying job.. I will be a better Dad, I will be a better husband”… etc. I find this to be easier said than done. Granted it is not going to happen overnight, it will take time, due diligence and an honest effort to try not to think in the “negative”.. examples you ask.. sure..
“Wow its such a beautiful sunny day today”….
my response would have been.. “yeah but it’s supposed to rain”.. see what I’m getting at?,,, not that rain is a bad thing, but instead of enjoying the moment of the sunny day and basking in it’s glorious rays of life and abundance (that’s an inside joke for my wife).. I almost always chose the negative response.. starting today.. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to get that better paying job, I’m going to be a better Dad, Husband and friend.. I am going to live life in the POSITIVE.. there… I feel better.. oh man looks like rain…

Talk Radio? Podcast?. Hmmmmm

So, I was just sitting around dubbing some barter spots in and listening to Rush (he’s on one of the stations I produce for) and I’ve always wanted to do talk radio, I am a talk radio junkee actually. It all started with 9/11 and from that day forward I rarely listened to music radio anymore, it just wasn’t important enough to me to let it creep into my eardrums, I wanted news, and I wanted it now.. then the internet exploded with every bob, tom and harriet using talk radio to convey their thoughts, their impressions, their diatribes and yes their comedy (adam corrolla).
This leads me to believe that, I too, can delve into this lucrative talk radio scenario and share my thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and recipes for crab dip with the world…

How to do it? hmmm blog-talk radio is an option, but marketing that seems a little difficult… getting a PD to listen to 4 minutes of my banter? better.. but unless you’re in a top 30 market you’ll never make any money in it.. ( my opinion any way..).. so what to do.. what to do.. need to do something more to increase my personal wealth to help my family live the life we deserve.. hmmmm my thoughts on this ramble like a tumble weed through Tombstone.. I’ve got to explore this further.. in the mean time,,, I’ve another book to narrate and one on my plate already that I’ll strive to compete by the holidays..

Colors of Change

Fall is my favorite time of year I’ve discovered. Where else can you watch the yearly demise of the leaves, grass and bushes of the previous summer swelter. This year is a wonderful kaleidoscope of orange, brown, red yellow and olive. We drove across the city yesterday and on the way home, instead of taking the drab “big ol highway” we scampered back across the city, weaving through the various neighborhoods, taking in the splendor of the color that blankets these diverse places in the heart of the city.. It was an awe inspiring tribute to God’s handiwork with the paintbrush that is nature.. I hope your neighborhood is just as colorful as mine

Fall, Halloween and the tricks

When I was a kid ( many many moons ago), halloween was awesome, we would go from neighborhood to neighborhood with our pillow cases and load up on the most deliciousness (is that even a word?) there ever was,

Pixie stix, hot picks, blopops, candy corn (yes the dreaded candy corn, but I love it to this day) Hershey kisses and loads of bubble gum, apples, oranges, taffy, BlackJack licorice gum.. (ask your grandpa)… It was a dentist’s dream (or nightmare depending..) and we loved it….

then in 1972 the most terrible thing of all happened.

Some deprived maniacal lunatic put a razor blade in an apple and Halloween was forever changed.

The treats were no subject to massive scrutiny by parents, they now were advised to accompany their kids to only the houses that they knew were safe, Halloween became a parental nightmare year and year out….the most gloriously thrilling holiday (besides Christmas of course) is Halloween. What other pagan holiday celebrates the dead, by asking children to do tricks for treats.. btw my favorite trick of all time is the poo in the fire sack trick on my least favorite neighbor.. ahhhh the good ole’ days..

I miss them sometimes..

but I have surprise for the kiddos that try the old poo trick.. it’s called a video camera and I’ll come to your house and poop in your cereal if you try at my house…… again